I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
