I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
