i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
