When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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