My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize