This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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