dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
