he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
