We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
