I want to have your abortion
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
