Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
