my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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