well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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