If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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