That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you never un-have a 4some
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
