Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
