I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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