Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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