Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
