It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
