he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize