I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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