ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
