she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this boner is exhausting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And then he peed in my hair
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