my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
