peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
