My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
sex in a hospital.. check
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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