if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
