hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
