I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
