like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
