come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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