her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
