Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
