Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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