i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
