I didn't shave. On purpose
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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