I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
