Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did I show you my penis last night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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