Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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