Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
