i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
