I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize