People with herpes should wear stickers.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
