this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
