He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
