Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
