the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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