Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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