This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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