I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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