that's an acceptable place to lick
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who died my cat blue again?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
