today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
