as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
