AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
