I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
