Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
MIDGETS
????
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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