I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
