The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
