You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize