We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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