Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
