all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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