I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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