if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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