yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
