i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
