My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize