Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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