I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
