She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
