remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
