Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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