hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
