These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
