He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
