I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
