Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
