Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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