I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
only you would photoshop your dick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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