but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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