Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
