This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
