everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
