and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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