So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
