Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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