I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
