So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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