I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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