i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
