Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bring money and cleavage
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
