Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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