you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
