my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
