Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize