dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
