So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
