It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is classic penis vs brain.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize