I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
