so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
