Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
