oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
