fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my shit smells like andre
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
