I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
