i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
