I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize