i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
