Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
how does that bad decision feel?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
