I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
