everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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