My liver just broke up with me...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
