she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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