my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
