new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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