I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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