I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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