how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
